Professor Llama

Traveller's Cook Book

Recipe for jet lag:

1.) Take one wake-up call at 4:30 a.m. and blend with a trip to the airport.
2.) Slowly stir in some very bad coffee and a stale croissant.
3.) Board 50 minute flight to connecting airport and cross one time zone so you arrive ten minutes before you left.
4.) Wait four hours.
5.) Set timer to 7 hours and place yourself in an uncomfortable container. Marinate well.
6.) After 7 hours check local conditions and loop for an additional hour, if necessary.
7.) Divert to alternate airport for fuel because of looping for additional hour.
8.) Wait two hours on the ground before refueling -- do not debark.
9.) Fly to final destination and subract five hours.
10.) Wake up following day at 4:00 a.m. local time (10:00 a.m. origination point time)
11.) Attempt to function normally.
12.) Fail.

Serves 1-4 people. Prep time 36 hours.

Long Overdue

This past weekend was the first we had free all summer. I took the opportunity to clean my studio and go through the piles of drawings that have accumulated in the past two years. I make it a practice never to put them away before they are properly photographed and posted to my website, so for those of you who used to peek, there are loads of new stuff.

These are all from my Thursday night figure drawing workshop from the beginning of 2008 to the end of June 2009.
Red Planet

Drinking Late

10:30 p.m. Saturday. My son should be getting home from work shortly. The phone rings. He will not be home shortly ... he's got a flat tire ... on the highway ... during a thunder storm.

So now I am soaked, covered in car dirt and drinking a Manhattan [or two]

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Blue Moon

Prayer of Resurrection

Dear lord,

Since I've been dead for the past five days and this is Holy Week, it would be the perfect opportunity to keep your promise of resurrection. Oh Holy Father in heaven I offer a blanket apology for any indiscretions and confess all my sins, real or imagined. I am sure that thou hast perfectly good reason to smite me as I am a lowly human, created in your image with free will, but lacking definitive instruction on how to use it properly. And, since I am a descendant of that accursed couple from paradise, I have inherited the full brunt of their ancient transgressions.

I have been laid low. Please oh lord, raise me up so that I may not satisfy my own personal agenda, but be the stalwart buttress that supports those about me who need and depend on me. You know who they are. It's not that I am questioning your divine plan, since by definition, it's … uh … divine, but only saying that from my perspective, right now, kind of sucks and is not congruent with what I have been taught about my own reason for existence. Please forgive me also for using "sucks" in a prayer.

I hope to arise from my slab on Easter morning rejuvenated from my early demise with all the hope and promise of a reborn soul. But I'll settle for a temperature below 100°F and not every joint and muscle hurting so I can continue to do your good work.
  • Current Mood
    sick sick

The Holidays

“100 pounds of fattening food you'd never consider eating the rest of the year, $575.00 … Gifts for 22 people you barely know but feel obligated to buy, $317.00 … 14 hours of therapy and antidepressants, $1,050.00 … January 2nd, priceless.”


Flooding forecast predicts the worst flooding since Hurricane Agnes in 1972. The prognosticators say it could be the second highest level the Schuylkill River has seen in recorded history. Flood stage is 13 feet. Moderate flooding occurs at 16 feet. Major flooding begins at 18 feet. They expect the river to crest at 23 feet. They have already begun evacuations in sections of the city that border the river. Looks like it will be an interesting week after all.

** Now current expectations are for the river to crest at 27 feet

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Historical Crests
(1) 31.30 ft on 1972/06/22 (Hurricane Agnes)
(2) 17.50 ft on 1983/04/16
(3) 17.36 ft on 1979/01/25
(4) 16.13 ft on 2004/09/18 (Hurricane Ivan)
(5) 16.09 ft on 1983/12/14
(6) 15.85 ft on 1996/01/20
(7) 15.83 ft on 1996/10/20
(8) 15.02 ft on 1996/01/28
(9) 14.95 ft on 1999/09/17 (Hurricane Floyd)
(10) 13.70 ft on 1996/12/2